He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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