Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
