Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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