Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
