UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
