we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
