dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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