sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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