so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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