Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
