As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
