Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
