I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
