WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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