so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize