I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
