What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
