hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
