God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
