she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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