yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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