I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize