now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
