I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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