Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
