You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
