dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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