I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
