R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
