I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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