I am puke
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
