One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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