butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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