I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
