i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize