Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
