I love black thongs
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize