So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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