I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
