Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
