So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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