I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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