hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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