allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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