i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
