3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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