we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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