Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
