i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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