the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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