I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this just has baby written all over it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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