Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
