I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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