i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
