I will die if light touches me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm like, not good at living.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
