i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
