Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
