JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
