they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
