I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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