But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
