At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
