Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't think brook has ever known best
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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