and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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