All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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