It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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