cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
