Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
