Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
