i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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