My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
