Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
