Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
