i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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