i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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